I just realized that today is the last day I will ever drive this car on the Autobahn, the last day I will ever drive this car in Germany, and the last day I will drive this car for the next two months. I realized that when I return home to RVA, my beautiful blue, silky smooth, grumbling ball buster of a car will not be waiting for me. Instead will be waiting my 2007 335i e92. Guess it could be worse!
We were nearing the end of our journey and feeling pretty tired. Nonetheless, we have one more day to soak up German culture before heading back to the states and to the daily grind (not to mention the agonizing wait for my car to return to me). So, off to the Autobahn! We passed a lot of wind farms. Also, I noticed a LOT of solar panels everywhere. Solar panel farms on the side of the road and, especially, solar panels on top of many houses. Even in the smaller towns, it looks like a lot of people are, at least partially, harnessing the power of the sun to juice their homes. I feel like this is a pretty rare sight in the US, but I can’t say that I’ve spent a lot of time in the midwest. Or the northeast. Or the midsouth. You get the point.
We arrived back at the BMW Welt in München to appreciate what we missed from the original flight delay. We walked around the shop, trying to spend the 10 Euros we were given by BMW. I’m not a fan of trinkets and we had super limited space in our travel bags as we were traveling light. So I didn’t spend it. We walked around and saw everything at the Welt that we could. My favorites were the Rolls Royce cars on display. I’d never seen one in person and they are immaculate. Wow. Every detail is so spot on and the interior has this classy yet modern style that would make anyone feel insignificant standing next to one. They also had the V12 motor on display, which is just a giant monster.
We also checked out the i8 section for my first in person glance at one of these beautiful cars. Futuristic in design, it isn’t at all overboard. Nearby were a couple of neat displays to show off the features of the car. We were able to feel the difference in torsion between steel, aluminum and carbon fiber – pretty crazy to feel the strength of carbon fiber. It required a significant amount of force to bend, whereas one finger lightly pressing would bend the other two. We also picked up little containers of rocks that compared the weights between the three – not surprisingly, carbon fiber weighed about 1/3 of the steel. We also stumbled onto this electric bicycle made by BMW, which I had never heard of. Sign me up! There was also a neat platform you could jump up and down on to generate electricity, which shows off how the car regenerates electricity as you drive.
Next, we checked out the BMW Individual section, which had some Individual paints and interiors on display. Cool program, but none of the colors I wanted to see were on display (Dakar Yellow and Laguna Seca Blue are my favorites). Then on to the M section, where we saw an M6 GT, an M3 and, to my surprise, the concept OLED and Laser Headlights on an M4. WOW! I had seen the video, but these lights are impressive. The OLED rears, especially, were bright in the daylight from across the room. They have so much detail inside these lights, and the way they arranged the OLED panels adds to the sporty design. Can’t wait to see these on my next BMW European Delivery trip! There is a much better post on bimmerpost.com with way better pictures than I took.
Lastly, we took the BMW Factory Tour. We were lucky enough to be the only two participants on the tour, so we had the incredibly wonderful tour guide to ourselves. She walked us through every aspect of the manufacturing process. Needless to say, it was unreal how efficient the operation is. It was fast and everything was assembled and added “just in time”. They only have enough spare pieces to keep running for about 1-2 days if they run out of raw materials. My favorite part was the paint department. Every BMW (except for the matte) gets three base layers of protectant and then two-three more layers of topcoat. We watched as robots efficiently sprayed the car, wasting less than 20% of the paint. It’s charged by electrons to be attracted to the car. The entire process of painting the top coats took less than 10 minutes to spray onto the car. Also a neat fact: Every year, with the hundreds of thousands of cars made at the Munich plant, less than 3 are completely identical. That much variety exists in the options and choices. Wow! Pictures were absolutely verboten, so I found some on the internets that reminded me of the tour.
If you ever have a chance to visit a BMW Factory, do it. It’s incredible to see the process of building such a car with high quality, especially considering that ~49% of the process is automated. Lots of quality checks as well, both by robots and humans. The robot accuracy is so precise they showed a demonstration of a robot’s “arm” moving around a complex, twisty tabletop structure – think of the things that you played with as kids when you moved the little beads around the track. It was like that, and so precise that it never once touched the metal as it weaved around it.
Next, time to swap the winter tires for my actual tires and wheels. EDwintertires.com was awesome, and everything was very smooth. After booking the trip with the tires, John contacted me to inform me that my tire pickup date was a holiday and that the shop would be closed. Without asking, he provided installation at the Welt (saving me time!) AND an additional day at no additional cost to me! WOW! Thank you John! That is excellent customer service. When I returned my winter tires (they were excellent tires, capable of high speeds) my car was treated very well. In fact, they discovered one of the lug nuts was damaged and walked to the BMW dealership next door to retrieve a replacement. Awesome! The tire depot is close by in Ismaning, a small suburb of Munich. While we waited, we scoped out an organic Currywurst stand. This was the best currywurst of the trip – made with small batch sausage, it was perfectly grilled to a crisp. We also had an organic German beer and chatted with some of the locals.
Upon Annette’s suggestion, we took the car to the car wash next door for the Winterwäsche. She said it was very new and would be safe for my paint – in addition, she said it would be much cheaper than if I forgot and they cleaned it at LogInOut. It was 12,50 Euro versus 40,00 Euro at LogInOut! I was scared out of my mind the car would be destroyed in an auto wash…but, this is Germany, and of course the auto wash is incredibly efficient. Check out this bar, which dries the car, and stays just above the vehicle. It was unnerving to watch it move just in time to avoid scratching the (*#^$ out of my car!
Basically, the sign reads “Gate opens automatically, do not brake!” and “Do not brake, shaft raises automatically.” Good thing I knew those words!
Knowing we were near the end, we wanted to do something very European: Stay at a hostel. We chose the Euro Youth Hostel, at a cost of 13,50 Euro each per night. We would be in a room with about 10 other people, dorm style bunk beds. The accommodations were actually pretty nice, and there was a curtain for privacy, as well as a locked storage bin. A small light inside the bunk, along with an outlet and a small shelf helped make me feel cozy. It’s in the heart of Munich, so we were able to drive through some cool sights.
Being in the city centre, I had to park in a very tight, very underground garage. VERY TIGHT.
The Hostel had a cool bar and we chatted up some of the travelers, a lot of whom know each other from traveling and staying at this brand hostel all over Europe. We heard at least 6 different languages just while we were hanging out. We had a few beers and I finally convinced Vicky to wrap up the German experience with some Schnapps! The bartender called them “Old Man, but very authentic Bavarian” shots. Still much better than Fireball…
We wandered around, and wound up back in Marienplatz by Walking. We found the Paulaner Braueri and enjoyed a few drinks there and a cheesecake, but we were ready for something besides traditional Bavarian food. WE FINALLY FOUND A TACO PLACE! It was raved as the best tacos in Munich…but they don’t compare to the tacos in RVA. Nonetheless, cool decor and the food was good.
It was around this time that I got a notification of a new news item on my Bimmerpost app…what I wasn’t expecting was to BE the news item. What a treat and another great reminder of an awesome adventure. Thank you Bimmerpost!
Back to the dorms for the night…honestly, I had a decent night’s sleep. Not bad considering a room full of people surrounded me. Vicky, however, did not sleep as well. Apparently her bunkmate, an young Asian girl, was a little loud with some 2 AM eating in bed and then a 6 AM ruffling of bags and organizing her entire wardrobe. People were shushing her, to no avail, so Vicky politely asked her to be quiet…at least as politely as you can say the specific words she chose to say. The girl was speechless and retreated quietly to the outside of the room, where she proceeded to spread all of her “personal” items onto the floor to organize. You’ll never guess who ran into her outside the door when she was blocking the way to the hallway. A sleepless Vicky, which is not a person to encounter when you are the one responsible for her sleeplessness. That poor girl will probably always be looking over her shoulder. We had a small breakfast, still very German with plenty of meats and cheeses to choose from. The drive through Munich city centre in the morning was beautiful as well.
Off we headed to the Munich airport for our 9.5 hr flight to Philly. Would we be so lucky to get upgraded seats??? No, not even close. We dropped off the car at LogInOut and everything looked good and ready to go. A few parting photos and some whispers of “See you soon” have to sustain me for the next few months. It was a weird feeling to just leave my car with some random people, knowing that I will never return there to pick it up. Four other cars were waiting, including a BEAUTIFUL Alpine White M4 with Shakir Orange interior. Maybe this belongs to one of you? If so, enjoy. I was told 8 cars were needed to have the truck pickup and it should be on its way to Bremerhaven by Saturday. Excellent!
Total of 1,344 glorious miles driven on twisty German back roads, snowy Alpine roads, and the Autobahn. Truly an experience that I will never forget.
Our return flight was long, but fairly comfortable. It was on an American leg of US Airways. We were served a meal with a bonus, free wine! Airbus A330 has an enormous wingspan. The flight wasn’t anything special to write about. We had a short layover in Philly before returning to RVA. Finally, we landed and I returned to my e92 and Interstate 64. 65 felt like I was crawling, and of course everyone is driving in the left lane. Sigh. I was shocked to remember just how different the steering feels. In the e92, it feels like I am pushing a heavy shopping cart. I love that new electric steering in the M235i.
Thanks for reading about my German adventures with the M235i! Your response has been overwhelming…it has been cathartic to write about my trip and now I will remember what happened and how surreal it all felt. I can’t imagine buying a car from any other brand in any other way than this. Germany, I will return to you in 3 years…until then, I will have the memories we shared together.
Tschüss!
From Berlin, we set off for Leipzig, a city that serves as a central transportation hub for Europe and a perfect halfway stopping point between Berlin and München. Days 7 & 8 were left wide open in hopes that the Nürburgring would be open for a few quick laps. Alas, it was not. Still too cold and snowy in northwest Germany. I’m not really disappointed, as I never expected I would actually be able to get onto the ring for a lap anyway. Stifled expectations for the win!
We really didn’t mind, as it meant a chance to visit another wonderful German city. Leipzig was a place that I knew of only because it was the birthplace of Der Gerät. Other than that, I had read very little about the city from other European Delivery trips or, really, any American travel to the city at all. Well, I guess they will never know what they are missing. Leipzig has some of the best architecture of any city that we have visited thus far. I wish I knew more about architectural design details and how to identify various styles, but I do not have a clue. I just appreciate the grandness of it.
Obviously we had not booked a place to stay, so I hopped on bedandbreakfast.eu (which I have used extensively on this trip and highly recommend) and found a very inexpensive B&B. It turned out to be more of a private room inside a larger place, but for €35 it was pretty excellent. Great location in the Nördwest Zentrum neighborhood, close to the Leipzig Zoo.
The entire neighborhood was just blocks and blocks and blocks of these types of apartment buildings. In the back, everyone had their own private balconies overlooking shared gardens. Our hosts were very gracious and accommodating, as all of the Germans have been so far. They had food, beer and wine available in the kitchen to purchase at very reasonable prices. They also had breakfast, but we opted out. Our only complaint was that the bed was horribly stiff, like as bad as a cot. In the middle of the night, I got up and switched to the couch. Vicky did not, and grumpy she was. You don’t mess with this girl’s sleep, but more on that tomorrow when I tell you about our last night at a Munich hostel.
We walked a few blocks and found Diego, a “Tex-Mex” restaurant that was about as Tex-Mex as Taco Bell. Nonetheless, the food was AMAZING. Our waiter, who spoke no English, was super nice and excited to have us visiting and enjoying his delicious food. At the end of the meal, he brought us free shots of cinnamon tequila along with a German wish for our good health! Wow, super nice!
English is not nearly as prominently spoken in Leipzig as it was in every other place we visited in Germany. Seems pretty clear that they do not get very many visitors from outside of Germany, which made our time there more special. We only had one night and the next morning to explore, so we chose carefully: Leipzig Zoo. Seems strange? We thought it may be a bust, but it turns out that Leipzig Zoo is one of the most diverse zoos in Europe. It was a cold and rainy day, so we had the entire zoo nearly to ourselves. Score! As an added bonus, tickets were only €16 per person, more than reasonable.
Lots of great interaction with the animals, including some wide open spaces where the animals were allowed to interact with the humans. See below for some of our favorite exhibits. The Schneeleopards were so beautiful and we enjoyed watching them pace around the cage for exercise.
We managed to catch many of the animals at feeding time. The seals were being tossed fresh fish and the feeder tossed a few our way when we stood next to the tank to watch the seals swim underwater.
Next was Gondwanaland, a giant indoor rainforest that features a lot of free-roaming animals. It was extremely warm and humid inside, a nice break from the cold. This was what drew us to the zoo in the first place, as this was something neither of us had ever experienced. It was great to see these animals in their natural habitat. We spent a lot of time wandering around here and exploring.
Inside, you could take a boat ride through a tunnel and explore some more of the rainforest that was otherwise inaccessible, for an additional €1,50. We were treated to an auditory and visual experience, all in German of course, that was engaging. Listen, I speak a little German but an explanation of the history of Earth up to now was a little over my head. Nonetheless, we understood the message contextually: Save the rainforest. After experiencing Gondwanaland, I couldn’t agree more.
Some of the Gondwanaland animals.
Eventually it was too hot to enjoy being inside, so we escaped back to Antartica. Then we realized we were too cold, so we stopped for some rote Glühwein and Brratwursts. Glühwein is hot wine, nearly as hot as coffee. Surprising at first, as the heat brings out the sour taste in the wine (at least that particular one). Again, what makes Germany great is that we carried around our steaming wine while we walked the park. Oh and the brats hit the spot. They were fantastic.
When we got to the elephants, they seemed very antsy and kept checking each door with their trunks.
All of the best animals on the planet and guess who was happiest to find a rando Katze?
Speaking of Katzen…
The monkey house was cool. They went apeshit (pun most definitely intended, you’re welcome) when the food was brought out.
And, finally, a Giraffe having a poo.
We left the zoo having spent nearly the entire day there. So much that we had to skip everything else in Leipzig. If we didn’t already have the “Stay in a castle” night booked and planned three hours away, we definitely would have stayed longer to enjoy Leipzig, it deserves time.
Cool fact: When traveling through Germany, you will notice a nice uniformity with signage, traffic lights, etc. with one notable exception. In former East German cities, such as Leipzig, you will find a slightly different traffic sign man for when you are cleared to walk. In the DDR, this character had a longer stride and wore a fedora. Pretty neat. Apparently these cities chose to keep some relics of the DDR intact because of “Östalgie”, which is a portmanteau of the German words for east (Öst) and nostalgia (Nostalgie). I wish we had the opportunity to spend more time learning about life in the DDR outside of Berlin.
Following our zoo visit, we headed out of town toward Abenberg for our stay at the Burg Abenberg. We were most excited about this stay in a castle. First, however, another speedy trip on the wide open Autobahn. Also, my first chance to check out the awesome M Sport brakes! We were traveling at about 130 mph, consistent with left lane traffic, when we were abruptly halted to zero. I didn’t have to slam on the brakes, as my following distance was plenty, but I definitely had to press hard. The brakes responded quickly and stopped us with plenty of road to spare. Unfortunately, the sudden halt was due to an overturned tractor-trailer. I hope the driver was OK; it didn’t look too bad.
Some more notes on the car. Comfort mode is nice for daily driving. I can see Myles using this mode most frequently when driving back in Richmond. The car is plenty responsive when need be, quiet when not, and a little more posh on the ride but I still know I’m in a sporty car. Sport mode is downright excellent. Hate on BMW’s Active Sound all you want, but I found it nice to have the additional auditory feedback. It sounds very genuine. Sport+ Mode seemed irresponsible to carry on in, so I only used it once on a deserted back road through some forests. From a complete stop, I floored it and the car wiggled a bit before the DTC reigned it in. I wonder how it will respond with DTC and DSC off, but figured I pushed my luck enough by maxing it on the Autobahn. Plenty of time to test this when I get the car back in the states.
We arrived in Abenberg to our castle hotel. This was the most expensive night we booked and we were really excited to finally just wind down and relax, drink some wine, eat some Bavarian foodstuffs and walk back a dozen steps to our room. Unfortunately, the restaurant was closed. Apparently they don’t get as much business during the winter. Disappointing, but not the worst as our hostess recommended a little Biergarten in the Altstadt down the hill. We walked down and enjoyed steak and Spätzle, which I will definitely miss.
In the hotel, we were surprised to find this was the only stop we didn’t have Wi-Fi. This meant I had to upload all of the pictures from Berlin through the prepaid CallYa SIM card from Vodafone. I wound up using all of the allocated 4G data, so the next day I was limited to 32 kbps. Super annoying. The room was great and we stayed in the “tower”, which was an add-on made to the castle in the last few decades. It was super nice, but was very much like a hotel room and not the old-school castle living we envisioned. It certainly wasn’t bad and if you want a nice hotel-like place to stay, I would recommend it. It just wasn’t what we were expecting.
Frühstück, however, was the best spread we’ve had so far. We were met with 6 different kinds of freshly pressed juices, several varieties of meat and cheese, and plenty of other fresh goodies. We also were given a Der Spiegel newspaper, where I read that Boyhood was completely snubbed at the Oscars. Same story, different year. Mr. Linklater, your film was hands down the best of the year. I liked Birdman and all, but 12 years spent on a masterpiece from a director that already has no less than 5 truly great films, I was disappointed. Boo!
Next up, our final day and night in Munich. We go back to BMW Welt for the factory tour and all of the Welt experiences we missed from the earlier flight delays. Oh and we stay in a hostel, a first for me and Vicky frightens an Asian tourist.
Tschüss!
From a small town famous for retaining walls to a city famous for destroying them; Rothenburg ODT to Berlin. Talk about culture shock! While Rothenburg is quintessential old German, Berlin is the heartbeat of the neue Deutschland. So many interesting things to see and do, I wish we had another week just here in this beautiful, hip, spastic city.
But first, a long road trip. The drive was nearly five hours, giving me a lot of time to spend in Der Gerät. First of all, let me say that such a long drive in this cat was wonderful. Besides the expected driving weariness, I was incredibly comfortable. A couple of Comedy Bang Bang episodes helped pass the time. “Would You Rather?” segment is always hilarity inducing. The Tech package in the car makes listening to music/podcasts super easy. I planned the playlist over the last few months and brought a USB drive, which I promptly loaded onto the car’s hard drive.
Navigation is unbelievable! Address entry takes a few seconds and multi-destination trips were unexpectedly smooth. This was very helpful during the Romantischestraße portion. This may be my favorite new feature of the car. I only wish I had the time and materials necessary to code some helpful options firsthand. No matter, it’s pretty great as is.
Let me just reiterate that I’m screwed upon my return to the US. 110-120 mph is the new norm for me, with a few spurts of driving at faster speeds. During this portion I was able to max the car at ~155mph. At 4500 RPMs, the car had some room to grow but both the roads and the “gentleman’s agreement” ensured that 155 was as fast as I could go.
I also realize now that, going this fast for so long, is an absolute gasoline killer. And at the current rate of ~$6/gal, I can’t say I’d sustain these speeds anyway. Kiddos, that’s about $80 for a full tank! But hey, YOLO and what not. Also interesting is that all German gas stations have the same basic design, with very easy to use pumps and the minimum octane rating is 95, with some stations carrying “racing fuel” of 100+. Do I need that? Probably not, but please refer to the previous YOLO.
At long last, we arrived in Berlin. Specifically, we stayed in Kreuzberg, known locally as X-Berg. This neighborhood was the last neighborhood in West Berlin and Die Berliner Mauer (The Berlin Wall) ran between this neighborhood, the river Spree and the Freidricshain neighborhood in East Berlin. It has been a hot spot for nightlife, Turkish culture and plays home to many angsty young Berliners. If you’re afraid of a little diversity and weirdness, this is not the neighborhood for you. Of course, we loved it. Otherwise, you should check out Mitte! All the rich white kids live there.
X-Berg is famous for its street art. It’s quite literally everywhere. Most buildings, both businesses and homes, are covered in graffiti.
We found the AirBNB place we were staying, an innocuous little apartment with a pleasant host. While we waited to check in, we had some pretty delicious pizza and met the really cool owner, a young man from Naples, Italy. He swore by his pizza. He was right. I’d stack this pizza against Grimaldi’s in DUMBO. I swear it was that good. Oh and they had FERNET BRANCA! My day was complete.
We headed for the streets and walked around to find Farbfernseher (lit. Color TV), an old store that sold color TVs that has been converted into a club. We were too early, so we found a local shop and bought a few “Berliners”, which is totally acceptable to drink on the streets here.
We found a table outside to sit and saw a group of about 6 people hanging posters around the neighborhood. Curious if some last minute party was going on, we grabbed a closer look. Surprised it was written in English. It was more confusing than disconcerting, but interesting nonetheless.
Around 10:30, we hit the club. I took no pictures of the inside because this is a bit of an underground spot and that sort of thing is frowned upon in Berlin. Keep secrets secret. But hey one can’t hide from the all-knowing eye of Google, so we found it and, after waking around for 15 minutes determining where the entrance was and whether or not we should just go in, Vicky just pushed the door and bam! We were in. It was about 10:45 but we were definitely the only patrons. A few trickled in but about 12:30 it really picked up. The place was small with a tiny bar up three stairs and a dance floor the size of a small apartment. It filled with people and the DJ, who was fantastic, played house music late into the night. We met a German brother/sister duo and had a good time dancing, drinking and chatting. Wish I could tell you more, but that’s about all I remember. We later discovered that our 20%+ tipping was more than 2x normal German tipping, so our Gin & Tonics were getting stronger each time. Random cell phone searches show we returned home around 4 AM.
I definitely remember the next morning. In one night, Berlin had defeated us. We yielded to the sunlight around 12 and found a great little coffee shop. We had bagels with fresh crime cheese and OJ that was freshly squeezed behind the bar. I’ve never tasted juice like this. Since then we have seen it in most bakeries here. It’s definitely a European thing.
Powered with some Frühstück, we found the U-Bahn and headed toward the Berlin Wall Memorial. The magnitude of what Die Mauer meant to the city is unreal. We read about the death traps meant to ensure the capture or death of anyone who dared cross the wall. We saw the remains and memorials scattered throughout the city. We read about a century d church that the DDR (East Germany) destroyed in 1989 because it was in the way of their death traps – less than 6 months before the wall was torn down. The scale was unreal. It literally surrounded the city and blocked residents in – all this happening less than30 years ago. You owe it to yourself to learn more, as this was a shining example of protests and the power of the people peacefully overcoming an unacceptable social policy. Right on Berlin!
On to the Brandenburg Gate. An overwhelming masterpiece, I’m so glad I had the chance to see it. Despite being overrun with selfie stick tourists, it was breathtaking. It’s HUGE. For centuries (yes, plural) it has served as an icon for Berlin and a literal gate that multiple dictators have marched through to symbolically display their might and power, including Napoleon and Hitler. It was also closed off in between the Berlin Wall, where President Reagan famously said “Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”
Just before the gate was a monument revealing details of the events that led to World War II. It spared no expense in showing how overtly racist the Nazi regime was. Nothing I didn’t know, but symbolically powerful to be displayed right in front of the Gate. Just beyond the gate is the long street and park where Hitler had his 50th birthday celebration, featuring over 50,000 German military personnel marching in grand fashion. Ominous. So much history. Even living in Richmond, this was special.
We rounded the corner to check out the Reichstag and the Bundestag, where the main congressional activities take place. Couldn’t get a good picture, as it was closed on a Saturday.
We also had some overpriced Currywurst near the Gate, and it was delicious.
Checkpoint Charlie was our next destination. This is the infamous border crossing between West and East where many well-covered standoffs occurred. We did the cheesy thing and had our passports stamped with American, French, British, Soviet, DDR and West Germany visas. Whatever, it’s a memento. So sue me.
A quick stop at KaDeWa in Mitte, which is pretty much Germany’s Macy’s. 7 levels of overpriced designer stuff, but the best was the 6th floor: a grocery/liquor/fresh food market that had everything you can imagine. I was too overwhelmed to even take pictures inside, but it was really cool. I did have some green juice that was delicious and nutritious. Also saw a neato Samsung store. When does mine look like this? Also €35,000 for that? We sell it so much cheaper.
For dinner, we hit up Kimchi Princess, where you make your own Korean BBQ at the table. I do love me some kimchi, and this place came highly recommended in the Lomography book left in our apartment. We had the octopus and beef combo. And a delicious bottle of German wine. Of course, it was German social style so we chatted up with the Dutch siblings, their Berliner friend and one of the brother’s Polish wife for a bit. They run a cool upstart organic food enterprise and we exchanged info. Yay new friends!
Exhausted, we called it a day. The next AM we stopped for some simple breakfast “zum mitnehmen” (to go), which is a concept foreign to most Europeans. They seem to prefer to slow down to enjoy eating and drinking as opposed to multitasking. Maybe they are on to something. We headed for the East Side Gallery, which is the longest remaining section of the wall. It has been converted into a massive outdoor art gallery, but it’s constantly evolving as every idiot in the world has decided to sign their name to it. Many of them were here this day, as they stopped to take selfies with the art! Good job! Proud of you for all the effort you put into that selfie, since you obviously painted it and what not! It was obnoxiously touristy but worth it for some perspective.
Lunch was at White Trash Fast Food. Pretty unique place that captures the DGAF attitude of Berlin. Yes, I did have the “Fuck You Fries” and they were incredible, along with my White Trash Cheeseburger. I also had a radler of Beer and Sprite, which tasted a lot like a beer mixed with Sprite. They had a DJ playing dr lunchtime too, but it was nearly deserted.
Bonus shots of Kreuzburg scenery. Berlin is a dirty city; not NYC dirty, mind you, but at least LA dirty.
We had a quick stop at Pee Pee’s Cat Cafe. If you’re wondering why we stopped here, I will defer you to my travel companion, the Cat Lady of Forrest Hill. Two cats does not a cat cafe make, especially when they are not even friendly and snugly. Thumbs down to this place.
Finally, we stopped at Templehof Airport – not for a flight, of course, because this infamous Nazi built airport was closed in 2008. But the X-Burg crowd, in true hipster fashion, have repurposed it into a MASSIVE park. I mean the entire airfield is now a giant park. I wish the pictures captured the scale of it, but they don’t. This park is one of the relatively unknown Berlin sights (outside of the locals, of course) but it’s quite the gem. We saw plenty of people flying kites, grilling in the cold and playing some game where people kick around a ball. I can only imagine what summer here will be like. Also of note is that, the terminal building, remains one of the largest buildings ever built, yet it is almost complete abandoned. Wish we had time for a tour, but Leipzig awaited us.
Berlin and X-Berg were fantastic. If only we had more time, we could’ve had more time to wish we had more time in this amazing city. Wir leben Berlin!
Tomorrow, Leipzig – a former DDR city that began the machinations for democratic revolution in Germany – and its urban zoo, where some monkeys scream at us and we watch a giraffe take a poo.
One of the best things about traveling to new places is experiencing different food. I’m sure that, when you think of German food, you imagine the pretzel and bratwurst that you had at the Oktobefest at your local German Catholic Church. While you may not be far from the truth, at least in Bayern (Bavaria, a state in southern Germany), the best meal of the day here is Frühstück. You may know it as breakfast. Nearly every hotel/B&B/pension/guesthouse serves Frühstück on your way out. Meat, cheese, and bread are a common sight. Delicious jams and yogurt.
In Langenargen, we stayed at very small B&B (really, it was just someone’s spare room) and she was not able to serve breakfast (no matter, it was super cheap). We did, however, discover the most wonderful thing about small towns. The bakeries. So many delicious foodstuffs for breakfast and it is cheaper than Starbucks. Have a look for yourself and then please wipe the drool from your keyboard. I have since seen them all over the place.
Have I mentioned the McDonalds? They are everywhere. Like one in every Landkreis (county), at least. Not much else in terms of American fast food’ but the Germans must love them some Hamburgler. And no, we did not go. Even if I did, I would not tell you.
On our way out, after Frühstück, we walked to the lake. It’s winter and this resort town is not very busy, but we did make a friend in this giant swan. The lake is so beautiful in its wintery state; I can only imagine what it looks like during summer. Directly across the lake lies Switzerland. Here they have boat races during the summer. Langenargen is a great stopping point on the Bodensee, especially when we had the town to ourselves.
The Romantischestraße is a theme road that joins several roads from Füssen in Lower Bavaria up to Würzburg in the Franconian region. Lots of small towns are linked together along a very fun road to drive. This is mainly a summer-tourist trail, so we were very lucky to have the roads and many of the sights all to ourselves. We joined the Romantischestraße in Landsberg Am Lech and stopped in Friedberg. where we walked around the picturesque town. For lunch, we had döner kabobs, which are more or less Turkish gyros. They were delicious. The young Turkish guy serving us was extremely nice and conversed with us in English. He even gave us some tea “zum mitnehmen” (to go), which seems to be a very uncommon thing in Europe. I believe the Germans would rather be focused on what they are doing instead of multi-tasking. This is the point where we could have a long conversation about work vs. personal life and how the Germans keep them separated, unlike Americans, but I digress.
It was very interesting to see the landscape change from snowy Alpine to green farmland. It’s a bit like going from Colorado to Iowa, or so I imagine, since I have been to neither. I wish we had stopped at more of the interesting places, but we just didn’t have enough time. We attempted to stop at least once every hour or two and find something interesting.
A short stop in Augsburg to see the famous St. Ulrich Kirche and its spectacular architectural design.
Along the way, I stopped at a gas station to fill up. I had a little miscommunication with the attendant and he wound up charging me for the OTHER blue car’s gas. Of course, I used my credit card, which complicated the matter. I also discovered that, in Germany, you pump first then pay. He was so angry with me that he yelled “sheiße” at me over and over until, realizing I’m American, he just started yelling “shit”. Eventually he gave me a refund in Euros and I pumped the €9,27 he charged me and left. It was actually kinda funny.
Finally, we reached Rothenburg Ob Der Tauber. I’ve been reading about this place for months as I planned the trip and couldn’t wait to see it. It’s the town that Walt Disney based Pinocchio on and is one of, if not the, best preserved medieval European towns. The town features a full and complete wall, along with defense towers to guard. Some of the wall was destroyed during WW2 but was quickly rebuilt after. Donors from all over the world helped to rebuild the city’s wall – you can find the donor’s names in stone along the wall. We found one from a couple in Fairfax, VA.
It was dark when we arrived again, so we checked into the Altfrankische Weinstube (Old Franconian Wine Bar), a really beautiful small B&B that I had found online. This place was charming and inexpensive and I highly recommend it if you ever get the chance. We went downstairs to the Stube to have dinner where we met Herman the German. I had Spätzle for dinner, which is mac and cheese, more or less.
Every Wednesday, Herman and his friends come to the Weinstube for the English Conversation Club, where they speak only English and get to know as many of the tourists as they can. They were so wonderful and friendly and told us many things about the town we may have never known. Herman’s family has lived in Rothenburg for over 3 generations. He showed us old newspapers from the war and some articles where travel guy Rick Steves has talked about his club. We had a blast with them and they taught us that, in Bavaria, when one didn’t hear what another said, they say “Ehhh?”, which is more like a grunt. My sister and father known this sound well, because it is the sound that my mother, my uncle and their father always make when they say something and want a response from you. Maybe I am German after all! In return, we taught them “Haters gonna hate” and “They hate us cause they ain’t us”, which we all found amusing. We even wrote it in their guestbook to remind them!
We walked a portion of the wall at night and the town was completely deserted at that point.
The next morning,we enjoyed a very delicious, very German Frühstück before heading out to explore the town.
Rothenburg is amazingly beautiful. I cannot express how fantastic the architecture really is. I found myself taking hundreds of photos. Although the town is very touristy, it’s easy to overlook the dozens of bar shops and Christmas stores and get to what really makes the town great. We found a small antique store with fresh stock and I bought an old spice tin and a coffee mill from the 1930s for my new place back home.
The most picturesque part of the city is inside the walls. You literally drive through a narrow gate to get into it. It was surreal driving my brand new car inside gates that have kept our enemies for centuries and facilitated part of the German surrender during WW2. The wall is completely intact and mostly original, save for what was repaired following the war. We even found the soldier’s crapper.
If you are ever in Germany, for any reason, do not miss this place. It should honestly be the 8th wonder of the world for being so well preserved.
After spending the day in Rothenburg ODT, we got back on the Romantischestraße and headed north to Würzburg. Along the way, we stopped for lunch at the Hot Wok in Weikersheim, a really cool Thai place where the owner was super friendly and chatted with me in German. The food was top notch as well.
After that, we walked around the corner to see the Weikersheim palace, a breathtaking private residence with some of the best gardens in all of Germany. What happened next was a bit surprising. During this trip we have done a lot of wandering about in places where you normally wouldn’t find tourists. It’s brought us some interesting stories thus far, but this one may be the best.
We rounded the corner to the back side of the palace to see what we could see and were about to leave, when an older lady came out of her house. She spoke English and refused to speak German with me, insisting that she is an American and we could speak as Americans. Fair enough. She gave us a piece of candy and invited us inside, as it was very cold. Turns out, she is a Princess and is married to an Austrian prince whose family owns the palace. Her house is a 400+ year old house adjacent to the palace. She told us some very, very interesting stories about her life and then walked us around the palace and through the gardens. We got the extra super secret tour, no doubt about it. I could go on and on about her life and the conversations that we had, but that’s for another time.
We capped the day in Würzburg with a walk around the Marienburg fortress before returning to Rothenburg, where we enjoyed our stay so much we extended it an extra night.
Tomorrow, we head to Berlin and party in a Color TV sales shop and I spend a lot of time getting to know Der Gerät.
Guten Morgen!
I think I have a problem. A big problem. No, it isn’t that die Polizei pulled me over today. Nor is it that I pissed off a German so hard he cursed at me in both German and English. It isn’t even that our AirBNB apartment in Berlin was cancelled last minute.
I have a bigger problem than that.
I’m addicted to German driving culture. The roads are immaculately maintained (think 2 feet of snow on both sides of the road, perfectly sculpted to form a boundary, yet not a drop on the road itself). I’m addicted to the well-placed and thoughtful signage that clearly tells you what to do and where to go. To the traffic circles that efficiently distribute traffic. To the ONE stop sign that I’ve encountered in this country so far. Finally, I’m addicted to the Autobahn.
Oh, the Autobahn. This is the perfect balance in government regulatory oversight. First, the basics. Not all of the Autobahn lacks a speed limit. Near the cities it is about 60 mph. At significant interchanges, it is about 80 mph. But the rest is gloriously unrestricted. Driving is different here. To Germans, it’s a bit like an honor code system. You follow the speed limit when there is one (every single driver has, so far), and then drive as fast as you can when there isn’t. You DO NOT drive in the left lane, unless you are passing someone. Always drive in the right lane. Driving culture.
Needless to say, it was time to see what der Gerät is capable of. Speed is restricted electronically to 155 mph on the car. And on my first day in the Autobahn, after some thoughtful time learning the car, the roads, and properly analyzing the weather conditions, I followed an Audi RS5 toward the Zugspitze. The car accelerates so quickly that I was doing 120 mph before I even noticed. Trust me, however, when I say that you notice right at 120. It is the precise moment when I realized I was driving a real machine. It’s also the moment unparalleled angst crept into my mind. Not angst over a potential crash. Definitely not angst over a poor driver (they don’t seem to exist here). Angst over being pulled over and ticketed. My American brain cannot comprehend that it is legal to drive so fast, even though it felt incredibly safe the entire time. I reached 135 but constantly had to slow down for slower traffic. I followed the Audi until it was nearly our exit, and then scaled it back as we neared the Austrian border.
During this part of the road, we found some amazing sights. In the background lie the Alps, which are some of the tallest and most beautiful mountains in the world. Also nearby are the amazing alpine lakes that glisten with turquoise blue water. Lakes here (See, in German) are just gorgeous.
I noticed a really sharp 7 series BMW parked on the side of the road, and commented that it looked really nice. A few moments later, it pulled out behind me and then i saw the LED sign in my rear view mirror: “die Polizei”. I pulled off to the side of the road, rolled down my window, and waited. The officer approached and politely asked me if I spoke German, to which I responded that I did speak a little. Nonetheless, he switched to English and asked for our documentation and the cars. After some very thorough checks with his colleague in their car, and a very, very thorough check of the car’s engine bay, doors, mirrors, etc, our documents were returned and we were wished a safe trip. The officer even told me I had a very nice car!! The car has tourist license plates, so it seemed to be a very routine stop to ensure all was good.
A little more driving into the Austrian border and we arrived at the Zugspitze, the highest mountain peak in all of Germany. We rode a cable car to the top (2,963 meters – 9,721 feet or about 32 football fields high). Our ears popped on the way. I wish I could put into words how breathtaking the views were, but I cannot, so I will share pictures instead. From the top you can see the alps in four countries: Italy, Switzerland, Austria and Germany. You could even notice the curvature of the earth from here. Unbelievable.
We had a very German lunch at the highest Biergarten in all of Germany: Weißbier, weißeurst and a pretzel with sweet mustard. After a little more bewilderment over the sights, we came back down the Zugspitzbahn. But first, we grabbed a momento: A small chunk of rock from the Zugspitze that we found in the museum. Please don’t tell the Germans!!
After we left, we returned to Germany and into Füssen to see the famous castles of Bavarian King Ludwig II: Neuschwanstein and Hohenschwangau. We had no interest in exploring the interior, so we just snapped a few pictures of the exterior as we weaved through the many, many, many tourists literally walking in the street. We tried to get closer to Neuschwanstein but were politely told that we were trespassing on a private street. Oops.
It was then on to Langenargen, a beautiful little town on the Bodensee (Lake Constanz) that borders Swirzerland, Austria and Germany. To get there, we took a beautiful road known as the Deutsche-alpenstraße (German Alpine Road). Lots of twists and turns with the Alps just to the left. Unfortunately, much of this road came at night, after both dark and fog had descended. I took a few videos on the GoPro and hope to share them sometime. The last section of the road is an incredible Driver’s road. Perhaps not as beautiful as the Romantischestraße, but definitely a more engaging drive. Upon arrival, we strolled through the town but it was virtually deserted. We stumbled upon a delicious Italian bistro and had a marvelous pizza with a bottle of red wine.
Tomorrow, it’s off to Rothenburg Ob Der Tauber via the Romantischestraße, where we will teach Herman the German what “Haters gonna hate” means and I piss off a German Tankstelle attendant.
Tschüss!
Guten Tag!
I am writing from Der Bodensee on the morning of Day 3, watching the sunrise over the picturesque lake town of Langenargen. More on that tomorrow. Where to begin? The past two days have been action packed with barely a moment to slow down and smell the roses. Good thing they’re all dead anyway; everything here is in full-on winter lockdown mode.
Let’s start with our flight from RIC to PHL. Bad news before the trip even started: Thundersnow Neptune!! We had a flight delay of 86 minutes, which was about 10 minutes too much. We missed our flight to München. The US Airways rep in Richmond did realize this was likely to happen and preemptively booked us on a flight from PHL to London and then from London to München. The change cost us about 6 hours. I was never worried that BMW wouldn’t accommodate me, but concerned that we would miss most of the “magic”. Also, since it was night in Germany when we left the US, I couldn’t do more than just send an email in hopes they would get it. Overall, the replacement flights were smooth and uneventful.
Arriving in Heathrow, we were forced to go through a second round of security. The shuffle around Heathrow was somewhat annoying, but the architecture of this airport is breathtaking, so it evens out. Security was very thorough and asked a lot of questions. It was also during this part of the trip that I realized years of watching Top Gear on repeat taught me how to understand British accents! Thank you Jeremy Clarkson (whom I was disappointed not to find signing autographs at the airport).
Of course, what better to do then have tea and crumpets in London at 11AM? Delicious. I can see what these Brits are on about. I may have just decided to start drinking tea more. And crumpets! The texture and flavor reminded me of a McGriddle, but way better. The accompanying jam was flavorful and fresh.
London to München was on a British Airways flight, which was very good. The seats were brand new and very comfortable. Coach was comparable in comfort to First Class on any airline in America. Brunch was also served, on a 1.5 hour flight!! Airlines in America need to get on this level. We saw some pretty amazing sights from up high. All of Germany was very foggy, but you could see the top of the Alps peeking out over the clouds. One of the most amazing sights that I have ever seen from a plane, but the pictures I took were rubbish.
We arrived in München and quickly grabbed our bags and headed out to the awaiting BMW “Limousine”, which was a long wheelbase 7 series. True luxury, a very nice touch. The driver was pleasant enough to simplify his German so we could speak about the country. Immediately I could see my favorite thing about the Germans: they are extremely practical and efficient. The Autobahn toward the BMW Welt was smooth and the ride in the 7 series dreamy.
We arrived at the Welt and checked-in.
The staff hadn’t received my email and were calling everyone involved to find us! They were very understanding and slotted me for a 5PM delivery, meaning we had plenty of time to sample the free goodies (das Bier!) while we waited.
I could see my beautiful blue M235i from the Premium Lounge.
Finally, it was time to receive my car. My BMW Specialist talked with me about my car and told me how he, and his colleagues, think this is one of the best BMW has ever made. He said he would choose this over any other BMW right now. He was genuinely passionate about this car. He also told me he thinks the auto is fantastic (it is) and better than the manual! He also told me a neat story: In German, “das Gerät”, means “thing” and it is used to refer to, well, things. Apparently, recently, there was a famous Turkish man on TV in Germany that kept saying “dar Gerät”, which ish the wrong form of the word. It became an inside joke and, when used in context, this “der Gerät” now means something so good it’s better than any other “thing”. This is how he and his colleagues refer to the M235i.
So, allow me to introduce to you: der Gerät.
Now it was time to park the car (safely in the underground garage at the Welt) and go about exploring München. It was cold, but not as cold as it had been in Virginia. Anyone that knows me knows that I love subways, metros, and trains. In Germany, this is called the U-Bahn (the U is pronounced like the “oo” in “Pooh”). Remember that famous German efficiency? Definitely applies here. Stations were immaculately clean, trains were always exactly on time and they are fast. 60MPH+, all underground.
We stayed at an aparthotel (micro apartments) just off Am Oberwiesenfeld (one of my favorite German words to say) and we hopped around nearby stops looking for something interesting. We wound up at Marienplatz, which is the center of the city. When we walked out of the U-Bahn we discovered some beautiful, but foggy, architecture. Below is the Rathaus, which is like a capitol building.
We decided on Schneider Weisse Bräuhaus. In Germany, dining out is a social experience. Long tables are shared; fine by me. I wish I was more conversational with my German, because there were some interesting people nearby. I had the veal with a potato cake and savory gravy. It reminded me of a similar dish my mom used to make (with roast beef, of course. Save the baby lambs!). Vicky had a concoction of pork belly and sauerkraut. Very good stuff!
This is when we first discovered that the next day was a German holiday: Faschingsdienstag. In America, this is known as “Fat Tuesday”. Lots of people wondering around in costumes and partying their faces off. We were treated to a random rhythm band playing some classic Faschings tunes in the U-Bahn station. It was definitely unexpected and really freaking cool.
That’s all for Day 1. What an incredible introduction to a brilliant country. Day 2, we travel the Deutsche-alpenstraße (German Alpine Road) and ascend the Zugspitze, the highest mountain in Germany.
Guten Tag!
Having dreamed of a trip to Germany one day, I began learning German about three years ago. I had no concrete plans to go, but I knew that I would one day make the journey.
That day has arrived. Well, almost. The general timeframe has arrived. This past November, I began looking at new cars. Having previously owned an e46 325i sedan and currently owning an e92 335i coupé, I was predisposed to picking up a new BMW. I began my search with the local BMW dealership and ended it there. The 228i was for me. After a short test drive (of the 328i, which shares little in common with the 228i besides the engine) I settled on the 228i…which became the M235i.
I placed the order in mid-November and waited…and waited…and waited. After one month of waiting and many, many inquiries into the production date with no confirmed date, I decided to cancel my order. Lo and behold, the opportunity presented itself for European Delivery. I was vaguely familiar with this option but thought “I’ll do it next time.” The stars aligned and I found an incredible deal through Steve Thomas BMW. DONE. The process moved quickly from quote to order to production to trip planning.
Finally, a confirmed date for my first new BMW, my first trip to Europe, and an opportunity to explore everything German with my Polish girlfriend, Vicky. Our planned itinerary is below. I plan to update this regularly throughout our trip.
Prost!
2015 BMW M235i European Delivery
Estoril Blue
ZTP
February 15
Red Eye from Richmond to München via Philly
February 16
Arrive in München
Check in at der BMW Welt
Kostenlos Bier und Essen!
Fahren weg in das Auto
Visit a Biergarten
Spend the night near Olympiapark
February 17
Pickup some winter tires
Drive the Deutsche-alpenstraße to Lindau
Take a cog wheel train to the top of Zugspitze, the highest mountain in Germany (but from the Austrian side)
Visit Hohenschwangau and Neuschwanstein
Spend the night on the banks of Bodensee (Lake Constance)
February 18
Drive the Romantischestraße to Rothenburg ob der Tauber
Stop whenever and wherever the mood hits for lunch!
Explore Rothenburg
Spend the night in a unique Weinstube
February 19
Drive to Berlin on die Autobahn
Explore Kreuzberg culture
Cat cafe!
February 20
Berlin Wall, Checkpoint Charlie
Museum Island
Basically everything from this video, minus the over-the-top reactions to food
Experience Berlin EDM nightlife at Berghain
February 21
Wann kein Schnee, drive toward the Nürburgring
Wann Schnee, spend another day and night in Berlin
February 22
Drive the Nürburgring and try not to die
Follow up with some wine touring
February 23
Open Day
Spend the night at Hotel Burg Abenberg, a classy Schloss from the 16th century
February 24
Return to Munich OR duck into Italy just ’cause
February 25
Es ist nicht Auf Wiedersehen, nur bis später!
Wreck-It Ralph
A review by Josh Bostic
Hello, nostalgia! Marketers, filmmakers and every business that targets the valuable late-20s/early-30s demographic has been playing on all of our childhood dreams lately. Not such a big deal because, well, nostalgia is, by its very definition, enjoyable. The film opens with an old school 8-bit arcade and we get a nice, short montage about the arcade’s changes throughout the year. Some familiar brand-name games are included (a sure nostalgia inducer for my age group) but we get the occasional no-name game meant to reflect some of the popular games from the 80s.
After the arcade closes, all of the characters come to life! They transfer to Game Central Station (modeled beautifully after Grand Central Terminal in Manhattan, ticket booth included) and can spend time back and forth between other game worlds and interacting with other game characters. They transfer through the power lines and, in a delightfully played joke, the bad guys get stopped by the “security”, which is the surge protector. Hah. At one point, via an MTA-style ad, Sonic the Hedgehog warns that if you “die outside your game, you can’t come back.” This was a pleasant and natural way to inform us of the stakes. Some familiar characters included Q*bert, Pac-Man, Bowser, Chun-Li and Frogger.
Wreck-It Ralph attends a “Bad Guys Anonymous” meeting and we discover the central problem – Ralph is a good guy at heart and he doesn’t like the way other people perceive him. He believes that, if he wins a hero’s medal, his peers will see him as a good guy. While this provides some interesting scenarios to play out during the next hour and a half, I ultimately found it dissatisfying. Ralph has no characteristics that make him even slightly unlikable – it’s everyone else that has the problem and has to change to adapt to him. No matter, as there is plenty enough jokes, action and nostalgia to keep you distracted.
Ralph meets Vanellope, a character in “Sugar Rush”, a candy-themed racing game that I’m surprised isn’t real. They create a bond and learn that they need each other – no one sees her as a hero either, but not because she’s a bad guy. It’s because she is a “glitch” in the game. Their relationship teeters on the edge of romance but never quite crosses the line – Vanellope is portrayed as a young teenage girl. I appreciate this choice. It made for a more tangible experience for Ralph – he never needed love, just acceptance. In fact, Vanellope really accepts Ralph from the first moment and never seems to be frightened of him, something everyone else surely is. Another plot twist is thrown in with a “renegade” character that has implanted himself in a game that didn’t belong to him – unnecessary, and it distracts from what we found really interesting (namely, the relationships between bad guy vs good guy and what that really means).
This was a Disney film, not a Pixar project. Based on that fact, my expectations were a little lower. This worked out well for me, as I was able to walk in with a clean slate and not be predisposed to expecting greatness. It’s a good film, but in the way that a roller coaster was good. I enjoyed the ride, but it wasn’t life changing. I would be remiss without at least mentioning the stellar voice acting here – Jane Lynch, Sarah Sliverman, Jack McBrayer and John C. Reilly. They really bring some life to these characters, especially Sarah Silverman.
One final note – the film’s opening animation, Paperman, was simply amazing. This short cartoon nearly had me in tears – it’s the tale of a boy meets girl on a Chicago style L-train, but they are separated, and he is left only with a piece of paper with her lipstick imprint. He seems depressed, until he sees her through a window across from his high rise. Try as he might, he is unable to get her attention. No matter, the paper has a mind of its own. Simply beautifully done animation with no vocal narrative. The story is carried completely by the animation. I can only hope for such a timeless serendipity in my own life.
Eventually: Although it is a fun and enjoyable ride, Wreck-It Ralph has no attributable character arc and the rest of the cast are left to bring about change in this story. Paperman, the film’s opening cartoon, makes it worth going to see it in theaters now.
Ruby Sparks
by Josh Bostic
A writer imagines his perfect dream girl…and then she comes to life.
The film begins with Calvin (Paul Dano), a writer whose success only further complicates his loneliness, having a dream about a girl that he is writing. Her name is Ruby. In the first shot, we see a beautiful sun that is overshadowing Ruby’s face – a nice touch, because it parallels Calvin’s blurred vision of Ruby. His hotly anticipated novel about the titular character is in standstill. He can’t write another word about her, because he is in love with her. Calvin’s obliviousness to the finer details of love and women assure that he cannot go a single step further in writing his dream girl.
Alas, she becomes real. Nevermind the details, writer and star Zoe Kazan surely didn’t. And that’s no criticism. Directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris of Little Miss Sunshine fame, quirkiness appears around every corner. However, in similar fashion to Little Miss Sunshine, it never becomes the reason for the film’s existence. One can’t help but compare this to Stranger Than Fiction, where Will Ferrell’s character is imagined by a writer and her writings alter his life. In that film, the writer and character do not meet. Here, they not only meet but fall in and out of love.
Zoe and Paul Dano have some real chemistry on screen. Easy, they dated – as they say – IRL. At one point, Calvin’s brother tells him to “write what you know”. What Calvin really wants is to know what he writes. It’s a universal language and, I would argue, the point of existence in life. I recently had a disagreement with a few friends over this fact. Their contention was that people are not designed to be monogamous, but to be polyamorous. Sexually, one could see an argument for that. Emotionally, however, most people have a desire to share the most intimate moments of life with one person that they can count on and trust. Calvin really wants this.
Although the ending can be seen coming from the depths of space, it delivers. Calvin has learned an important lesson, and one that spoke to me personally. Calvin learns that no one can meet a guy’s unreasonable ideals of a perfect woman and that manipulating someone to meet those impossible expectations leads only to misery. As Calvin wrote about Ruby, she changed. I believe it is a testament to our own ever-changing lives. It’s as if we write our own stories every day as we add to or take away from. We imagine our own Ruby Sparks and then write them out of our own lives. Here’s to hoping they come back on their own when we do.
Vivaciously – Watch this film expecting to explore the dynamics of a writer’s relationship with his characters and how we can apply that to our own relationships with the characters in our own lives.
Turn Me On, Dammit!
by Josh Bostic
A 15-year old Norwegian girl desperately wants to figure out her sexuality, but life in a small town can complicate that.
I once thought growing up as a teenage boy in America was difficult. After watching “Turn Me On, Dammit!” I apparently don’t know what that word means. Alma is a 15-year old girl trying to figure out her own sexuality. She lives in a small Norwegian town with her single mother and fantasizes – quite literally – about having sex with practically every person in her life. She spends the rest of her time smoking cigarettes and drinking beer with her two best friends Ingrid and Saralou. She spends afternoons with her crush, Artur. He seems to like her as well.
One night at a party, Artur decides to whip out the ol’ meat stick and pokes her in the hip with it. Despite her frequently titillating fantasies and her conversations with Stig, the phone sex operator, she’s still just a little girl at heart and is stunned by this sudden hardship. She has no idea how to react and just stares, bewildered. Artur puts away his trouser snake and walks off. Moments later, as she tells Ingrid and Saralou about her encounter with Artur’s kidney scraper, he denies it and the girls take his side. News travels fast and Alma is the social outcast of the moment, earning the nickname “Dick-Alma”. Ouch.
I can’t help but be reminded of “American Teen”, a documentary about high school drama in America, and Hannah Bailey’s hasty fall to social deviant. They say fiction mirrors reality (or maybe it’s the other way around) and this is true in “Turn Me On, Dammit!”. Alma’s label as the school pervert rings true to life as her friends abandon her to be cool. They avoid her and treat her like the plague. Meanwhile, Alma still doesn’t know who she is. Her fantasies are often brash with hilariously awkward sexuality but what I found interesting is how they displayed her fantasies with Artur. They are tasteful, sweet, and reflect more of her romantic feelings for this boy. In contrast, she daydreams about her friend’s father, who talks about all of the things he wishes to do to her as she works in his store. It’s also interesting that none of her fantasies involve explicit sex – clearly because she has never actually experienced it and has no frame of reference for what it may be like.
This isn’t a movie about 50 Shades of Grey, it’s a movie about a girl who thinks like that book reads. What propels this movie forward, and into new territory, is how the story goes from here. Alma doesn’t just find a guy to sleep with and get pregnant. She doesn’t slut it up on the town and get raped. Instead, she looks to her hero, Saralou’s big sister Marie, who goes to school in Oslo. She’s a grown woman that has life and sex figured out, and Alma admires her for this. This is a comedy, and it’s funny, but Alma learns important lessons. She has no father to guide and protect her and her mother doesn’t seem to know how to handle her daughter’s newfound sexuality. She only needs someone to tell her that how she is feeling is normal. And that’s the central question of “Turn Me On, Dammit!”
This film is in stark contrast to the raunchy coming-of-age comedies that we produce in America. It isn’t handled with an all-too-sweet ending; instead, we get a realistic ending that provides an answer to Alma’s life question. She not only gets what she wants, but what she needs. Her arc is real and believable. I won’t guess as to the writer’s intentions, but I will say that I learned more about female sexuality from watching this. Thanks to this funny, insightful, and real film, stigma be gone? Or maybe it’s too late, thanks to 50 Shades.
Vivaciously – Watch this film expecting to learn more about teenage coming-of-age sexuality, from the female perspective. Oh, and don’t watch this with your mom!
Adverb the Noun 